I think I've strayed too far from this one. Pardon me. I'm working on it.

A Dreamer.

Things just get harder by days, not my life though, but my country is. I do not really know where to begin this actually as for right now, I have mixed feelings in my heart that pooling my eyes with tears by just thinking about my country, especially the people. Feeling is a thing that is hard to be explained, let alone to be understood, no? For most of the time, that would be the case.

I have been approached by few of my friends asking me about Bersih 2.0 and strings of questions have been exchanged. A discussion between individuals that pay interest, even a little bit, on what is happening around the country and for that alone, I salute them. I am still new to this politic arena, still learning as much as I could, clicking every interesting link posted on Facebook/Twitter to stay updated about my country, trying to read blog posts wrote by known/unknown writers, watching the news now and then etc. I do not want to be bias, you see, so I hope by having a go to these two different views from these individuals would help me to capture the essence of every issue broached by them. I got to know the concerns of X, as well as the Y.

People would say I am going against the Government at the moment. As for the time being, yes, I admit that is the truth and nothing but the truth. But that does not mean I am on the opposition team. I have never declared myself to support any party, not just yet, as for right now I am still on the quest of finding which one of them will make a better ruler for my country, for my beloved country.

One thing you must know, I hate to see the poor people having to struggle in their daily lives just to ensure they would be able to make ends meet. In fact, I hate to see people wearing holey shirts and pants, carrying a bowl around the nearest train station, seeking for donations from the pass byers. When I look at them, knowing that they are homeless, with no money to buy food, with no love ones to take a good care of them, knowing how fortunate my life is, my heart breaks. My heart breaks again and again when more of them captured by my sight, my heart breaks again and again when I know that I, within my own little power, I am unable to help all of them. And even more heart breaking when at times, I have to ignore them, pretending not to see them sitting at those little corners, faces smudged with dirt, unwashed hairs, rotten teeth, staring hopefully at the pass byers hoping they would be generous enough to give some small amount of money. They do not hope for something big, I know, that is why even one penny is handed to them, they would honestly say thank you to you.

They do not wish for something grand you see? I think they are even afraid of dreaming and wishing for something big because when they wake up on the morrow’s morning, they know within their hearts, thing would just be the same.  Nothing would ever change. They would still wear the same clothes, they would still having nothing fancy they can call as their assets except maybe certain things they got from the bins, they would still be poor with no home and no money.

But what is more saddening to me is, when there is no one care about them.

So I seek for a better ruler for this people, not for myself though. I am more than fortunate. I seek for someone that would truly care for this people. I seek for someone that would actually look right into their eyes and understand the sad feelings behind those weary eyes. I fight for this people. I fight for a better future for this people. I fight so that they can have a little portion of this fortunate life. I want to give voice for this voiceless people.

Call me a dreamer, but I will continue to dream that when I see this people, I would be able to hand and to share with each one of them, some of what I have in my bags.

Call me a dreamer, but I will continue to dream a smile on their faces when they know that we care, when they know that they are not forgotten.

Call me a dreamer, but I will continue to dream a happy life for all of them.

Call me a dreamer, I could not care less.

A better world for us all, and an even better world for them.

This is why when certain of you said that we are being ungrateful for what we have, I became a bit mad.  The poor ones are getting poorer, so which part did you claim that we already have enough? By we, did you mean you, as in yourself? Or by we, did you mean, each and every one of us?

Even, certain of you claimed that the poor ones were the majority of the rally. If that was the truth, then why did it happen that way? Why would they fight so badly?

Because they saw some hope of getting a better life, I would say.

Maybe, I am just annoyed when people keep the money just for themselves rather than sharing it with the unfortunate ones. And whatever that is, I know what I am fighting for and I know it is worth it.

P/S : When you’re up above, don’t ever forget the people down below.

Peludah Warna.

“Kuasa gusar kini menggelegak murka; 
warna kuning diisytihar racun terbisa. 
Diragutnya baju-T segeram tenaga 
dan diumum itulah busana bahaya.

Tapi, kita jahit semula perca kain, 
menjadikannya panji terindah dan tulen. 
Warna kuning yang teramat tenang dan syahdu 
kita kembalikan damai ke dalam qalbu.

Kini cahaya mentari mungkin diramas 
dan sinar kuningnya juga mungkin dicantas. 
Memanglah mereka kini peludah warna 
sedang menghimpun lendir kahak sebanyaknya.

Kerana nikmat amat lama berkuasa, 
kuasa pun seolah menjadi hartanya.”

- A. Samad Said 

(listen here)

2nd Anniversary.

Aku bukan nasionalis, bukan katolik, bukan sosialis. Aku bukan buddha, bukan protestan, bukan westernis. Aku bukan komunis. Aku bukan humanis. Aku adalah semuanya. Mudah-mudahan inilah yang disebut muslim. Aku ingin orang menilai dan memandangku sebagai suatu kemutlakan tanpa menghubung-hubungkan dari kelompok mana saya termasuk serta dari aliran apa saya berangkat. Memahami manusia sebagai manusia.

- Ahmad Wahib (Catatan Harian 9 Oktober 1969)

Exams.

Mark this date, fella: 23rd of June 2011.

This would be my reading-list right after I nail my final paper on that 23rd -

• My Name Is Red, Orhan Pamuk (stopped 100 pages away from the end, which sucks I know but gotta make some space for the exams, no?)
• Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka
• The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini
• The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
• The Moor's Last Sigh, Salman Rushdie
• Testimony, Anita Shreve
• The God of Small Things, Arudhati Roy
• Don't Be Sad, Dr. 'A'id al-Qarni

and perhaps, perhaps, 1984 by George Orwell - I am eyeing it now, contemplating still.

But hey, game on by this Thursday. By game I mean, reading at least 24 books per year. I am halfway there since My Name Is Red is my 12th book. Hooray to that! My summer holiday is gonna be filled with books :D

For it, or against it?

The Forgotten Prisoners.

Open your newspaper any day of the week and you will find a report from somewhere in the world of someone being imprisoned, tortured or executed because his opinion or religion is unacceptable to his government. There are several million such people in prison - by no means all of them behind the Iron and Bamboo curtains -  and their numbers are growing. The newspaper reader feels a sickening sense of impotence. Yet if these feelings of disgust all over the world could be united in common action, something effective could be done.

(read more)

Our Problem.

The world is a dangerous place. Not because of the people who are evil; but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

- Albert Einstein

Betapa Jahilnya Manusia.

betapa jahilnya manusia

suka mengata dan mencerca

benda kecil di laga laga

di jaja ke seluruh pelusuk dunia.

betapa jahilnya manusia

kata dijadikan senjata

kawan dijadikan lawan

ditindas sebegitu rupa.

betapa jahilnya manusia

menjadi lantang tidak kena masa

menjadi lantang pada isu biasa

menjadi lantang di belakang tabir sahaja.

betapa jahilnya manusia

isu yang besar, isu yang kritikal

dipandangnya sebelah mata

lidah terkelu, diam seribu bahasa.

betapa jahilnya manusia

bila wang dijadikan panduan

bila hati gelap kerana kemewahan

yang penting hanyalah diri sendiri

bukannya mereka.

betapa jahilnya manusia

ditapak tapakkannya saudara

dijaja jaja aibnya

hilang maruah, tergadai hidupnya

ah, mana aku kisah!

betapa jahilnya manusia

mengagung agungkan yang biasa

para cendekiawan di lupakannya

yang penting hanya fesyen sahaja.

betapa jahilnya manusia

betapa jahilnya manusia

betapa jahilnya manusia

takbur, riak, angkuh

kononnya punya kuasa

kononnya punya harta

kononnya punya rupa

tapi mereka lupa

dunia hanya sementara

ada saudara yang hidupnya masih lara

negara sudah porak poranda

bencana di sini sana

dan aku

aku hanya mampu menangis hiba

melihatkan mereka yang masih alpa

lupa

darah kita semua merah, pekat

sama

lupa

tanah yang dipijak

sama

lupa

langit yang dijunjung

sama

lupa

matinya kita nanti

kembali kepada Pencipta

yang sama

lupa semua

hilang segala

jahilnya manusia

tangisnya mereka kerana rancangan Korea

tapi tidak pula mereka tangisi

nasib saudara yang hilang nyawa

di seberang sana.

Tiananmen Square Massacre.

Few images have seared the mind like the footage of a lone and unarmed man in white, standing before a column of tanks in Tiananmen Square. On that day in 1989, thousands of civilians,  mostly students and intellectuals, gathered in peaceful assembly for democracy. The Chinese government brutally suppressed the protest, opening live fire on the demonstrators, killing hundreds.

(read more)

Another Lesson Learnt.

Got invited for this 'Kutipan Derma Untuk Membantu Sahabat di UK' event on facebook, and been informed that this one friend had to pay more than 600 pounds for the trip to the dentist which sucks big time I know since it had bitterly resulted on him not being able to go back to Malaysia this summer.

The thing is, at first I was quite reluctant to donate, not because of I don't know him but since I thought of 'For what do I have to donate to this? Dentist trip?', and pretty much convinced, I simply brushed the subject off my mind. Unfortunately I must say it hadn't been able to completely leave my mind in peace. Been haunted with the questions of -Why didn't I donate? Why should I donate? Would it be worth my money? I love to help those in need but can I consider him as one? Just because of a dentist trip seems petty to me no? - every single fucking time when I thought of it, honestly.

But here's the trick.

Even though the reasoning behind the matter is as small and as unconvincing as the 'dentist trip', I almost forget of this one important proverb that teaches us a very good lesson and eventually helps me to come to my sense:

Charity sees the need, not the cause.

I reckon we can't help ourselves from being skeptic, can't avoid contemplating over something similar to this issue. But we must always remember this, must forge this in our minds - For whatever the reasons are, see beyond them. See the need. When someone's in need, and if you're capable of helping, lend your hands. Would it be worth it or not, what I know is, for every good deed you've done in this world, Allah will repay you with something greater than what you've sacrificed.

Indeed, as for today I have learnt something new. Alhamdulillah.

Hello June.

I welcome June with this forgotten story of Sybil, a freedom fighter for the independence of Malaya against the Japanese army. 

It has been told and retold by many that Sybil and her husband had treated more than 6,000 guerilla fighters who fought relentlessly for the independence of Malaya. Eventually Sybil and her husband were caught. The Japanese army arrested them in 1943. They promised to release Sybil and her husband but on condition that she revealed the names of the MPAJA forces. But Sybil was adamant and refused to do so. In fact, she is said to have told the Japanese government that she was “willing to die with my family, then disclose the 30,000 MPAJA and family members who fought for independence of Malaya”. Sybil was prepared to face the punishment by the Japanese army. They punished her husband, son and her daughter Thavam, who was then seven years old. But Sybil, who suffered the anguish of knowing her family’s pain, did not relent. She refused to betray the MPAJA members and their families. Finally, Sybil was sent to Batu Gajah prison where she was further tortured.

(read more)

When They Are All Free.

A very beautiful, detailed insights of what Amnesty International is all about. From the birth, the conflicts inflicted upon them, the stories behind every success they've achieved, the allegations, and so many of breathtaking revelations. Watch the full story here -

 Amnesty! When They All Are Free.

Helping Hands.

Lately, I've been thinking of something.

- You know when you get cornered by peminta sedekah when you're eating?

- Or when you go to shopping malls and you've gotta pass by budak budak kecil selling tissue/kismis?

- Or when you're eating at McDonalds and suddenly someone approaches you, showing you his card saying he's mute and needs some donations for those in need?

These are what we always do to them. In fact these are what I always do.

- When I get cornered, I shushed them away telling them I ain't got money. 

- When I went to shopping malls, and I saw the budak budak kecil, it was either I bought something from one of the kids, or I ignored them. 

- Or when one of the boys approached me, I told him 'Saye dah beli dekat adik sana tadi' and walked away.

- When being approached, when I saw I gotta donate RM10, I immediately shook my head and said 'No, thanks.'

Did you do just the same like what I did?

If yes, then please continue reading. 

---------

You know we all love branded stuff no? LV, Topshop, Gucci, Nike, Adidas, D&G, Prada etc. And when you see someone possesses as such, we all go like 'I want that too!'. And no matter what, sometimes even if the price tags show 3 or 4 figures, we won't mind. 'Cause we'd say it's worth it. Having such branded items mean some sense of dignity, it boosts your confidence. For some that is. 

But, the thing is:

If I buy one branded handbag that'd cost me lets say 300 pounds, I'll get only ONE handbag. When the fact is, with that some amount of money, I can support ONE year worth of education for Uganda kids.

If I spend 100 pounds for my branded clothes, well maybe I can get ONE or TWO beautiful dresses/tops/evening wear etc. When the fact is, with that amount of money, I can lend it as a microloan to poor entrepreneurs in countries like Africa. Those that are poor, but they don't go asking for donations, so we loan them our money for them to set up their businesses, or to take their businesses a step higher.

If I spend an amount of money to buy some stuff that I don't even need for example for a second handphone: because I've got a Blackberry and now I want an Iphone too. Know that with that amount of money I can help those tsunami victims in Japan or those landslide victims in Malaysia or the animals that have been abused or even I can donate for a masjid to be build in UK.

Now, ask yourselves this:

Is it worth your money for all of those branded stuff when you know that you can trade it for a better future for us all? When you know that you're saving lives. Human beings or animals, it doesn't really matter, because invariably every penny saves someone, it helps to save a life.

Even though we're not connected, even though our skin color or religion or race is different from theirs, know that it's still a life that God has granted to them. We've been created by the same God, and to Him we'll return to.

So what does make us different from the others?

And that is, to those who'd read this note, you're lucky enough for being able to go online. 

Meaning that, you have electricity, you have your own laptop, you're sitting comfortably in your room, you don't have to worry of so many other things like clean water, food scarcity, a home to return to because you're already living in one with nice bed for you to sleep, clothes hang at your right for you to wear on the morrow when you go to school. Yes schools, colleges, universities, you've been to all. 

But what about the others on the other side?

So, how about:

- When you get cornered, in one of many days ahead, give the poor one something. Seringgit pun boleh, or you can buy food for him if you're near a restaurant or a food stall.

- When you go to shopping malls, give each one of budak budak kecil some amount of money. 

- When someone approaches you when you're eating at McD, if you're reluctant to give as much as RM10, just give him something.

I've never done any of the above, but I'll try as best as I can to practice that. Because, if we can pay RM10 for a movie ticket, RM5 for the popcorn and drink, we can also use that money to serve others in need, right?

Balance your need, and try to help those in need. And in the end, InsyaAllah, this world we're living in right now, would become better. If not to our eyes, to the eyes of those we had helped. Seronok kan to know that you have the power to change a life? :D

While earning your daily bread, be sure you share a slice with those less fortunate. 

 - Quoted in PS I Love You.

I will not be played

I will not lend my name 

nor my rhythm to your beat

I will dance and resist

dance and persist

and dance.

We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

- Ronald Reagan

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Article 18:

Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in company with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

Article 19:

Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless any frontier.

P/S: In Malaysia, however unfortunate, we are severely lacking of the latter.

50.

Eynulla Fatullayev Alad Et!

Eynulla Fatullayev was released with the help from Amnesty International after they launched a Twitter campaign tweeting the President of Azerbaijan. A fucking Twitter campaign, as simple as that. A proof of the strength when one becomes the sum, when we give voice to the voiceless, and this shows the power of being collectively vocal against the denial of our human rights.

It began with people sitting down at their desks and writing letters, and knowing that thousands, tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands of other people were doing the same. Dictators and oppressors from around the world were being flooded by these messages, making them aware that they had to change or they were going to get increasingly isolated.

(read more)

Amnesty International.

There's still a long way to go, but alhamdulillah, I've made the first small step - am now the member of Amnesty International. Why don't you be one too? :)

Click here for more.

True Success.

Just another thing I've been meaning to share for eon but blame the exams for putting this up late. Very late, indeed. Anyways he speaks as fast as a bullet train so I bet it'd be a bit hard to comprehend what he's saying - I myself have to listen to this quite number of times before I used the sub as an assistant (there's a sub button next to the play). Have a go, definitely worth your time. 

John Wooden really knows how to play with his words, no? He'd passed away, fyi. Though his soul might have left his body, but his wise words can never be wipe out from this world. They stay. Raptured, to be honest, when he coined his own definition of success which is:

Peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you're capable.

Ruling out the other definitions that have the gravity of material/ power/ fame/ reputation acquisitions in it, and simply putting it on a much more ground base that can be attained by each and every single individual in this world. And another thing that might sound banal but indispensable (quite), and that is you should never try to be someone else. 

P/S : I love the fact that his dad read poetry for him at night. It gives me the idea of the little else thing I can do for my future children, other than amassing books for our mini library which I'm currently doing. Plus with the fact that only 3% Malaysians read books ignites my mission more. Hopefully, my children will be able to know the bless of having books in their hands, and how enthralling they can be. 

sometimes I think the Fates must grin

as we denounce them and insist

the only reason we can't win

is the Fates themselves that miss.

yet there lives on the ancient claim:

we win or lose within ourselves

the shining trophies on our shelves 

can never win tomorrow's game.

you and I know deeper down

there's always a chance to win the crown

but when we fail to give our best

we simply haven't met the test

of giving all and saving none

until the game is really won.

of showing what is meant by grit

of playing through when others quit

of playing through not letting up

it's bearing down that wins the cup.

of dreaming there's a goal ahead

of hoping when our dreams are dead

of praying when our hopes have fled

yet losing, not afraid to fall

if bravely we have given all.

for who can ask more of a man

that giving all within his span.

giving all it seems to me

is not so far from victory.

and so the fates are seldom wrong

no matter how they twist and wind

it's you and I who make our fates-

we open up or close the gates 

on the road ahead or the road behind.

- George Moriarty, The Road Ahead or The Road Behind.

Lynas.

More chemicals, more electricity, more fresh water and more skilled people in Malaysia, rather than in Australia. Fucking blatant lies.

My Generation.

I saw these people, and had this surging desire to educate the uneducated, to give jobs to the poor, to speak for the voiceless. I felt that I would be doing injustice if I were to use my abilities and resources for myself. It just wasn't right. I want the aunts and uncles who sell fruits by the street to not have to worry whether they'll be able to make a good sale tomorrow. I want the children of these uncles and aunts to know that they have an equal opportunity to achieve their heart's desires in the future. I want UM to find its place on the world stage again. I want teachers to have pride in their work. I want Malaysia to be the place where people are proud to be a part of; a place where people will want to come home to. 

Hi, my name is Michelle. Forsake my generation, I shan't.  

(read more)

I've been meaning to write a piece on this heartbreaking story for as long as I could remember but this perpetual preparation for my upcoming exam definitely has consumed the entirety of my well being. But yeah this torturous yet deserved punishment is inflicted upon me mainly because I've been slacking for almost the entire fucking year and catching up a year worth of facts, well only those who possess similar lazy arse trait like mine would be able to understand. Gah.

Right. This brilliant, uplifting piece by Michelle Ng that I've read weeks ago dumbstruck me beyond words because honestly, this 'to go back to Malaysia or stay the fuck out of it' is one major dreadful dilemma that has been critically haunting  most of the overseas students especially the bright ones. Hence, the issue of brain drain exists for they can't deny the temptation of having a better future in some foreign lands. Not solely money-driven I must say, but the prospect of having the liberty to experience equal rights and opportunities, no discrimination, not having to be a goody two shoes or kissing the big boss's butt to climb the corporate ladder, nor they have to confine their voices lest they'd lose their heads; every word they utter would be heard, regardless their race, age, skin color, religion.

Can we blame them for having such thoughts? No. Because Malaysia is one sick country.

Nevertheless, like what Michelle have said, " I shall not forsake my generation. Even if I don't succeed in this generation, at least I can die knowing that I've paved the path for future generations to walk on, and hopefully, build on." I believe that most of us, Malaysians, don't really like what we're seeing right now.  Know that we must save our country from those hoity toity scum bags.

Thank you, Michelle for reminding us this. Hopefully soon enough, I'll be in the same battlefield as yours.

I've learned to find beauty in broken things. I've learned to keep hoping. Maybe this world isn't perfect, but there is good in it and that is what I choose to focus on. I am not powered by fear and hatred, but rather hope and love. What is impure proves there is purity; what is evil proves there is good; and what is broken proves there is such a thing as being a Whole.

Rather than working to acquire wealth, we need to focus on the welfare of humanity as a whole.

- Dalai Lama

don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars

seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing

it's okay not to be okay

sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

tears don't mean you're losing

everybody's bruising

just be true to who you are.

One Step Forward.

Malaysia kini. Well done!

(Read the article here; One Morning Near Chow Kit) - credit for the pictures.